The Time and Lifes of Sam Douglass

Will the real Sam Douglass please step forward?

I was incorporated on January 26th, 1977. I have two brothers, Steve and Scott, and a sister Sarah.
I grew up in a small town called West Hartford where citizens are subjected to horrible mind-control experiments that turn them into mindless zombies that spit out mindless drivel.

Just kidding. Actually, the residents of my town were subjected to ridiculously named viruses as part of a government conspiracy run by criminal masterminds. OK, so that's a total lie, also. I'm really sorry, but I've been spending way too much time reading classic works of fiction... Anyway, as a young child I engrossed myself in the mysteries of X11, becoming such an expert that I was able to make millions of dollars